I woke up from an evening of time to rest by myself, having set an intention to go check out a yoga studio and then a museum. I took my time with breakfast, lazing around with Zorro - my new best friend // 13-year old Dachshund - so didn't really start moving until far after the ideal time to scoot. Scrolling through dozens of events for the evening to find one suitable, getting irritated with the internet, then listening to an amalgamation of inspirational songs to get up out of the house, I made for the Lotus Temple around noon, with plans for a detour at Nehru Place to get a phone charger.
Determined footsteps took me near to the destination, but my wandering soul took some side steps through a neighborhood on the way. I thought about gates and parks (of which there was arguably a disproportionate amount given the population density and context), and about a Malcolm Gladwell podcast I'd recently listened outlaying the demons of golf. Essentially a marker for status and a historically discriminatory sport, it has gotten some nasty breaks in tax law to keep the sport (at least in America) very exclusive and privatized. It also went into identity philosophy, which pleased the heart of this armchair philosopher/mathematician, but I digress. The main point is that it seems people find comfort in the spaciousness of large expanses, thus placing them higher in demand. So, given our market, we have a lot of people buying up land and prettying it and keeping it for themselves. Not to mention the environmental impact, the reinforcement of social inequality is maintained in these sorts of transactions and leaves one wondering how much is too much? And whose looking out for those too exhausted and undereducated from disenfranchisement to act now? And who decides who becomes disenfranchised? Does identity pass through generations? Bloodline? Country line? Craft?
So I arrived a Nehru Place, where I was days before, and got cash to overpay for a phone charger and people watch in the market. I had a really engaging inner dialogue as I was on my way, because I noticed a lot of fear in the morning when I was supposed to be getting ready. I was afraid of not knowing where to go, of walking the wrong way, of not being able to communicate... All of these little things that collect like lint and make it really hard to think straight. I think my response to a lot of these fears lately has been to sort of slap that voice across the face and say "HEY. Get it together. We have places to go this is not the time." and proceed with bravado. That was certainly my attitude when I went the first time (flashback to a week ago today with the cheery food court restaurant and lonely dinning experience). But as I went out yesterday, I realized that I could slow that response down, let myself be curious; let myself be impacted by the world around me, and let that show.
There was an Indian PhD student back home for research staying in the Air BnB I'm in right now, whom I found really easy to talk to about India and my experience. When he left, a middle aged Australian man took his place, and I found it quite challenging to maintain peace in my mind when we would chat at dinner. He was quite lovely and interesting - as a farmer from a very small town in Australia he traveled a lot, and especially adored India, having been to the country 3 times now. He spoke about India with such wide-eyes, constantly saying how lucky he is to be able to travel, how so many people have it so bad off, so much worse than *us* (he says as he nudges my elbow), and "as crazy it is, India really works." I've been trying to understand why it bothers me so much. One thing I could think of is a feeling that the conversation is more about concluding than processing - finding and sharing take aways more than working through thoughts. But I think it also has to do with how uncertainty and fear are dealt with.
When I was in Mysore, Steve spoke about how people on past trips have clashed with each other how they've interacted with such a new culture - some dove right in, adopting new clothing or rituals as their own, while others were more hesitant or skeptical. I think there was a range on this trip as well, but I never felt very threatened by anyone's way of taking in the environment. Probably in a large part because we all came from a very similar place - educated and passionate about music/the arts. It was really easy to reach a middle ground with folks. But since I've been on my own, I find that the most challenging ideologies are the ones I almost resonate with, or folks who I share some similar identity with - race, gender, nationality, class, education.... There's a warble in the air when that happens, like when two notes are played that are a half step or less apart from one another -- if you've listened to a middle school orchestra tune their instruments you know the feeling. But these mismatches in frequency are opportunities to (hopefully gracefully) articulate personal voice, just as a note played confidently alongside a similar other can be quite beautiful!
It reminded me of my mom when she would take me to World Fairs, and she'd would constantly be stopping to say "wooow!" or "ohh how did you make that??" with such child-like wonder. I preferred being quiet and touching things or looking closely at them as I slowly strolled around. That's how I engage with my ignorance, giving it time to understand. But that can create a thin veneer of confidence when it's not terribly practical, as I think has been happening this week. As if I can't go out unless I'm ready to march to my destination and not be lighthearted about it. But, man, that does not bode well for the soul! So yesterday I kept telling myself that it's okay to be curious. Okay to be scared. Ok to look lost. Ok to go slowly, to wander, to be a little bamboozled. It's not necessary to have so much pride around doing it right. And it was sooo much more fun! More stories, more opportunities for connection, more of a sense of freedom.
I think that traveling alone as a woman has so much rhetoric around safety that it can stop us from reaping the rewards of living. Really, so much of just living in a female body can do that - no matter where in the world you are. Many of us don't take the risks that would give us a broader sense of self definition, and when we do, we can get lost in the sweeping mass of role models that don't face the same challenges. There are just different rules that need to be made for safe solo travel - for safe living, really! And along the way, as we share knowledge and inspiration with one another, the barriers to safety and wellbeing that exist become obsolete, opening a space for freedom and a chance to challenge the system.
Naturally this is not unique to cis-women, but I would think to any group that faces oppression. And with the technology available to us now, there is an unprecedented access to sharing wisdom on the web. With it, there's dueling threat toward being coerced into adopting ideologies that may not fit one's lifestyle. We have to stay vigilant about what sort of media we take in, which outlets we allow to access our information, and how we're taking care of our minds, bodies and beings. There's too much that is threatening quietly, and far too much riding on the resilience of skeptical minds. It's so important to stay skeptical. But also to stay curious, too. :)
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| Lotus Temple |
So I arrived a Nehru Place, where I was days before, and got cash to overpay for a phone charger and people watch in the market. I had a really engaging inner dialogue as I was on my way, because I noticed a lot of fear in the morning when I was supposed to be getting ready. I was afraid of not knowing where to go, of walking the wrong way, of not being able to communicate... All of these little things that collect like lint and make it really hard to think straight. I think my response to a lot of these fears lately has been to sort of slap that voice across the face and say "HEY. Get it together. We have places to go this is not the time." and proceed with bravado. That was certainly my attitude when I went the first time (flashback to a week ago today with the cheery food court restaurant and lonely dinning experience). But as I went out yesterday, I realized that I could slow that response down, let myself be curious; let myself be impacted by the world around me, and let that show.
There was an Indian PhD student back home for research staying in the Air BnB I'm in right now, whom I found really easy to talk to about India and my experience. When he left, a middle aged Australian man took his place, and I found it quite challenging to maintain peace in my mind when we would chat at dinner. He was quite lovely and interesting - as a farmer from a very small town in Australia he traveled a lot, and especially adored India, having been to the country 3 times now. He spoke about India with such wide-eyes, constantly saying how lucky he is to be able to travel, how so many people have it so bad off, so much worse than *us* (he says as he nudges my elbow), and "as crazy it is, India really works." I've been trying to understand why it bothers me so much. One thing I could think of is a feeling that the conversation is more about concluding than processing - finding and sharing take aways more than working through thoughts. But I think it also has to do with how uncertainty and fear are dealt with.
When I was in Mysore, Steve spoke about how people on past trips have clashed with each other how they've interacted with such a new culture - some dove right in, adopting new clothing or rituals as their own, while others were more hesitant or skeptical. I think there was a range on this trip as well, but I never felt very threatened by anyone's way of taking in the environment. Probably in a large part because we all came from a very similar place - educated and passionate about music/the arts. It was really easy to reach a middle ground with folks. But since I've been on my own, I find that the most challenging ideologies are the ones I almost resonate with, or folks who I share some similar identity with - race, gender, nationality, class, education.... There's a warble in the air when that happens, like when two notes are played that are a half step or less apart from one another -- if you've listened to a middle school orchestra tune their instruments you know the feeling. But these mismatches in frequency are opportunities to (hopefully gracefully) articulate personal voice, just as a note played confidently alongside a similar other can be quite beautiful!
 |
| Kids at an Independence Day celebration |
It reminded me of my mom when she would take me to World Fairs, and she'd would constantly be stopping to say "wooow!" or "ohh how did you make that??" with such child-like wonder. I preferred being quiet and touching things or looking closely at them as I slowly strolled around. That's how I engage with my ignorance, giving it time to understand. But that can create a thin veneer of confidence when it's not terribly practical, as I think has been happening this week. As if I can't go out unless I'm ready to march to my destination and not be lighthearted about it. But, man, that does not bode well for the soul! So yesterday I kept telling myself that it's okay to be curious. Okay to be scared. Ok to look lost. Ok to go slowly, to wander, to be a little bamboozled. It's not necessary to have so much pride around doing it right. And it was sooo much more fun! More stories, more opportunities for connection, more of a sense of freedom.
I think that traveling alone as a woman has so much rhetoric around safety that it can stop us from reaping the rewards of living. Really, so much of just living in a female body can do that - no matter where in the world you are. Many of us don't take the risks that would give us a broader sense of self definition, and when we do, we can get lost in the sweeping mass of role models that don't face the same challenges. There are just different rules that need to be made for safe solo travel - for safe living, really! And along the way, as we share knowledge and inspiration with one another, the barriers to safety and wellbeing that exist become obsolete, opening a space for freedom and a chance to challenge the system.
Naturally this is not unique to cis-women, but I would think to any group that faces oppression. And with the technology available to us now, there is an unprecedented access to sharing wisdom on the web. With it, there's dueling threat toward being coerced into adopting ideologies that may not fit one's lifestyle. We have to stay vigilant about what sort of media we take in, which outlets we allow to access our information, and how we're taking care of our minds, bodies and beings. There's too much that is threatening quietly, and far too much riding on the resilience of skeptical minds. It's so important to stay skeptical. But also to stay curious, too. :)
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